How To Talk To Children About COVID-19

With schools closed for the year, the continued spread of COVID-19 and the ongoing coverage of the virus, many parents are wondering how best to talk to their children about the corona virus.

Here are a few tips to help your child understand and cope with the COVID-19 pandemic.

1.       Stay Calm

Children take their cues from their parents.  When they’re parents are worried and highly stressed, they become more anxious.  Manage your own anxiety.  Before talking with your children, think about what you want to say, talk with your spouse, and bounce ideas off each other.  Stay calm when discussing the outbreak.

Let your younger kids play with their toys while you’re talking to them.  Having something else to focus on helps them stay calm while they listen.

On the other hand, don’t try having a conversation with your children if they’re watching TV, playing a videogame, or otherwise engaged in screen-based activities.  These are highly distracting and can create major obstacles in communication.

2.       Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

We want to let our children know we will do everything possible to keep them safe, but we need to be honest.  Somethings are outside of our control. We can’t promise them they won’t get sick or that everyone they know will be fine. If we do, children may lose trust and confidence in us if people do begin to get sick. 

Tell the truth. Lead with this: there is a very low risk children and younger adults with get COVID-19.  And, according to Dr Thomas Murray at the Yale School of Medicine, COVID-19 does not appear to cause severe distress in children. Most people who contract COVID-19 will have a fever and flu-like symptoms that will clear after a few days or weeks.  The virus can be serious for people who are older or chronically ill; but remind children that older adults in our lives (grandparents, teachers, friends at church) are taking steps to ensure they stay healthy too.  During this time of year, especially in larger families, it’s not unusual for someone in the house will be sick, often with a common cold or allergies.  Reassure your kids that you’ll take care of them. Most children will tend to assume things are much worse than they really are if they aren’t given the facts.  Being honest with children, even about the risks, will reduce their anxiety.

3.       Don’t Give Them Too Much Information

While we need to be honest, we don’t want to flood our children with too much information.  Start by asking kids what they’ve heard and then respond to their concerns. Be factual, general, and brief.  Then let children ask questions.  Kids will ask questions when they’re ready for more information.

Make sure the information you give is age-appropriate.  Pre-schoolers don’t need to know about pandemics or community spread.  Older children may ask questions to which you don’t have the answers.  In those cases, either look for the answers together or tell your kids you’ll find out and get back to them.  Don’t feel like you have to have all the answers immediately but do follow up with them.  Uncertainty and the unknown fuel anxiety, answers help put things in perspective.

 It’s also important to know what they’re hearing and seeing on TV, online or in conversations they’re hearing around the house.  They could become overwhelmed and anxious if there is too much conversation about COVID-19 around them. 

4.       Make Yourself Available

Keeping on top of daily life can be challenging for all of us.  Even as we’re trying to juggle changes in school, work schedules, or wide-spread cancellations of activities, we need to be continually present and available to our children.  Several days after your initial conversation about COVID-19 they still might need to talk through their concerns or ask questions.  Make sure you’re touching base with your children at least once a day specifically to see how they’re doing.

5.        Teach Kids How to Prevent The Spread of Germs

Knowing specific steps kids can take to stay healthy is an important way to keep them from feeling powerless or out of control.  Teach them the proper way to wash their hands (Sing “Happy Birthday” twice).  Also teach them to wash hands after coming in from outside, after using the bathroom, and before and after meals.  Show them how to sneeze or cough into their elbows rather than their hands or the air.  Encourage them to keep their immune system strong by eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and getting exercise.

6.       Helping Children Cope

During this uncertain time, praying together as a family can be a source of comfort and encouragement for children.  Praying for anyone impacted by COVID-19 is good way to help children feel they can help others, rather than feel that they are powerless in the current crisis.

Children under stress are more likely to start acting out if they aren’t given appropriate outlets for that stress.  Being outdoors and getting exercise help reduce anxiety, so if possible and if safe, let them play outside.  Drawing, constructing, or other creative projects are a great way for children to process stress.  Most importantly, make sure children have the opportunity laugh.  Healthy play and laughter are the best ways for children to process anxiety and build resiliency.

A version of this article was originally published in the Arlington Catholic Herald

How To Spend Time With Your Kids

Spending time with our kids is important.  We get that.  We all understand that, just like we understand that we need to eat vegetables or turn off the stove before leaving the house.  The question is – how?  What is “time with my kids” supposed to look like?  Here are three things you can try.

1)      Meet your kids where they are.  As adults, we tend to think about meeting people half way; compromising with both sides being willing to move toward the other.  With kids, we need to be all in.  Dive right into our kids’ worlds.  Learn what they like, try to understand what they like best about those things.

2)      Show interest.  Does your son like dinosaurs?  Great, try to develop an interest in dinosaurs.  Does your daughter enjoy mermaids?  Fantastic, see if you can find a mermaid story at the library to read with her.  When we show our kids that we are interested in their interests, what we’re really demonstrating is that we’re interested in them, and their thoughts.  By moving toward our kids, we’re showing them that they’re worth the effort.

3)      Make them a priority.  Quality time matters for kids, but quantity is important too.  As parents, we all have a zillion things we need to do, and that’s not even counting the stuff that we want to do.  So where are our priorities?  Yes, the dishes need to get cleaned and the lawn needs to be mowed.  But can we find 15 minutes to spend with our kids before we start the housework?  Otherwise, we run the risk of putting off that connection time while we take care of that one chore, and then just finishing up that other chore, and finally that one last chore while we’re thinking about it and then… You get my point.  It’s too easy to put off the important things, because we always think we have the opportunity to come back and do it later.  But our kids must take priority because otherwise they start to believe that they’re less important to us than a sink of dirty dishes or a slightly overgrown yard.

I heard someone once say that it isn’t enough to let our kids know that they’re loved.  We want our kids to feel treasured.  What a great image.  We want our kids to know that they are precious in our eyes.  This is how they learn that they have dignity and are worthy of being loved by others. 

Today try to spend 15 minutes with your kids, engaging in their world, before getting caught up in the day-to-day tasks.