Dealing With Anxiety, Depression & Spiritual Crisis

With the rapid changes brought on by COVID-19, there is an incredible level of stress for everyone in the country.  We have worries about our families, our work, finances, and loved ones living in areas that may be experiencing an even greater impact than where we live.  We have seen widespread effects that are unprecedented in our lifetime such as all Masses being suspended and the cancellation of major sporting events.  So how can we cope with the chaos of the pandemic?

Make The Healthy Choice

Three key things – Eat well, stay physically active, get a good night sleep.  While this seems simplistic, sticking to these core points will improve health, strengthen the immune system, and are good for preventing anxiety and depression.  When we are worried or depressed, we get away from all three of these activities.  We tend to eat junk food because it’s easier than cooking but eating high amounts of carbs, sugars, and fats can lead to blood sugar and insulin spikes.  When blood sugar and insulin levels crash, this causes the release of stress hormones.  A balanced diet leads to better mental health.  Similarly, when we are depressed, we’re less likely to be physically active but exercise leads to the release of endorphins which improves mood and reduces stress.  Finally, when stress throws our routine off badly, the temptation is to distract ourselves by watching TV or being online late into the night.  But not getting a sufficient amount of sleep, or even unintentionally shifting to a more nocturnal schedule is taxing on the body, which stresses our immune system and mental health.

Maintain Routine

When faced with chaos, keep the normal structure of your life as much as possible.  Ask what you would normally be doing and do as much of that as possible.  Obviously, there will be disruptions, but try to keep continuity in key areas.  If you are working from home and would typically arrive at the office at 8am, make sure to get up, eat breakfast, shower, and get dressed so you are ready start working at 8am.  If you go to the gym after work, try to exercise at home after your work day is over.  If your kids have a snack and watch TV after school while you make dinner, let them have a snack and watch a show while you’re busy in the kitchen.  The routine can be a stabilizing factor and can help reduce feelings of anxiety, or the feeling of being out of control or stuck that often accompanies depression.

Stay Connected

Social distancing has, and will continue, to lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.  We’re used to seeing our friends and interacting with people at work or school.  Fortunately, the same technology that can allow us to telecommute or participate in distance education, can be used to stay connected to our friends and loved ones that we would otherwise be able to be with.  Use technology creatively.  Consider virtual coffee dates, game nights on webcams, or Karaoke on a videoconference platform.  While it may not be the same as really being there, the creative use of technology can help bridge the gap until the crisis passes and we’re able to be with those we care about again.

Prayer As An Anchor

The inability to attend Mass and receive Communion is an incredible hardship for the faithful.  But we can still rely on our faith during these challenging times.  Take five minutes to read the Gospel of the day.  Take ten minutes for a Divine Mercy Chaplet.  Take 20 minutes for a family rosary.  Take 30 minutes to watch one of the many live streamed Masses from parishes around the country.  Strengthening our prayer life and remaining engaged in our faith reminds us that we are not alone, but are part of a widespread community, praying daily with each other and for one another.

A version of this article was originally published in the Arlington Catholic Herald

How To Talk To Children About COVID-19

With schools closed for the year, the continued spread of COVID-19 and the ongoing coverage of the virus, many parents are wondering how best to talk to their children about the corona virus.

Here are a few tips to help your child understand and cope with the COVID-19 pandemic.

1.       Stay Calm

Children take their cues from their parents.  When they’re parents are worried and highly stressed, they become more anxious.  Manage your own anxiety.  Before talking with your children, think about what you want to say, talk with your spouse, and bounce ideas off each other.  Stay calm when discussing the outbreak.

Let your younger kids play with their toys while you’re talking to them.  Having something else to focus on helps them stay calm while they listen.

On the other hand, don’t try having a conversation with your children if they’re watching TV, playing a videogame, or otherwise engaged in screen-based activities.  These are highly distracting and can create major obstacles in communication.

2.       Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

We want to let our children know we will do everything possible to keep them safe, but we need to be honest.  Somethings are outside of our control. We can’t promise them they won’t get sick or that everyone they know will be fine. If we do, children may lose trust and confidence in us if people do begin to get sick. 

Tell the truth. Lead with this: there is a very low risk children and younger adults with get COVID-19.  And, according to Dr Thomas Murray at the Yale School of Medicine, COVID-19 does not appear to cause severe distress in children. Most people who contract COVID-19 will have a fever and flu-like symptoms that will clear after a few days or weeks.  The virus can be serious for people who are older or chronically ill; but remind children that older adults in our lives (grandparents, teachers, friends at church) are taking steps to ensure they stay healthy too.  During this time of year, especially in larger families, it’s not unusual for someone in the house will be sick, often with a common cold or allergies.  Reassure your kids that you’ll take care of them. Most children will tend to assume things are much worse than they really are if they aren’t given the facts.  Being honest with children, even about the risks, will reduce their anxiety.

3.       Don’t Give Them Too Much Information

While we need to be honest, we don’t want to flood our children with too much information.  Start by asking kids what they’ve heard and then respond to their concerns. Be factual, general, and brief.  Then let children ask questions.  Kids will ask questions when they’re ready for more information.

Make sure the information you give is age-appropriate.  Pre-schoolers don’t need to know about pandemics or community spread.  Older children may ask questions to which you don’t have the answers.  In those cases, either look for the answers together or tell your kids you’ll find out and get back to them.  Don’t feel like you have to have all the answers immediately but do follow up with them.  Uncertainty and the unknown fuel anxiety, answers help put things in perspective.

 It’s also important to know what they’re hearing and seeing on TV, online or in conversations they’re hearing around the house.  They could become overwhelmed and anxious if there is too much conversation about COVID-19 around them. 

4.       Make Yourself Available

Keeping on top of daily life can be challenging for all of us.  Even as we’re trying to juggle changes in school, work schedules, or wide-spread cancellations of activities, we need to be continually present and available to our children.  Several days after your initial conversation about COVID-19 they still might need to talk through their concerns or ask questions.  Make sure you’re touching base with your children at least once a day specifically to see how they’re doing.

5.        Teach Kids How to Prevent The Spread of Germs

Knowing specific steps kids can take to stay healthy is an important way to keep them from feeling powerless or out of control.  Teach them the proper way to wash their hands (Sing “Happy Birthday” twice).  Also teach them to wash hands after coming in from outside, after using the bathroom, and before and after meals.  Show them how to sneeze or cough into their elbows rather than their hands or the air.  Encourage them to keep their immune system strong by eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and getting exercise.

6.       Helping Children Cope

During this uncertain time, praying together as a family can be a source of comfort and encouragement for children.  Praying for anyone impacted by COVID-19 is good way to help children feel they can help others, rather than feel that they are powerless in the current crisis.

Children under stress are more likely to start acting out if they aren’t given appropriate outlets for that stress.  Being outdoors and getting exercise help reduce anxiety, so if possible and if safe, let them play outside.  Drawing, constructing, or other creative projects are a great way for children to process stress.  Most importantly, make sure children have the opportunity laugh.  Healthy play and laughter are the best ways for children to process anxiety and build resiliency.

A version of this article was originally published in the Arlington Catholic Herald

Dusting Off The Blog

Hello All!

So I realized recently that I hadn’t updated the blog in a while.  Then I checked and realized that “a while” was actually 18 months.  Ooops.  Time flies when you’re parenting small children.  Or to put it another way - the days are really long but the months and years go by faster than you’d imagine.

The two biggest things, for our family, in the last year and half are…

Duckling #4 joined our family in January 2019.  My wife and I were delighted to welcome another little girl into the family.  We’ve all had time to adjust and it’s a joy to watch her interacting with the other ducklings and to see her little personality continue to develop and shine.

Of course, the other major thing which is impact all our families is the COVID-19 pandemic.  We’re about 5 weeks into social distancing and Stay At Home orders in Virginia.  Now that everyone is starting to find a new rhythm, I thought it would be good to revisit the blog.

I’ve mostly written about parenting on this site, but recently I’ve been asked to write not just about parenting but families in general as everyone tries to adjust to the widespread changes and stressors we’re now experiencing.  So I’ll post on a broader array of topics for the time being.

This is a time of uncertainty but it is also a time to reevaluate how we relate to our children and to each other.  Focus, prioritize, and keep hope alive.